so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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