My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
