thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
