But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
