In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
