just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
