just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm really busy with my period
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