trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
