Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
