btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
