So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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