I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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