you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
