I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
