I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im holly from the hills drunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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