Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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