Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
