It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
