just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize