You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
