so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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