you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How's work?
Spinning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
