are you so shy because you have an std?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
