At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
