I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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