No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
