Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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