I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize