Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
