I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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