i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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