Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
