today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
