Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
