Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
