Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize