So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
