It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
