u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
