he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
