OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
