If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize