the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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