oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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