i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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