i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
