After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
