Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
