Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
