dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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