Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
