I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
