so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
