I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They took my balls.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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