I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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