I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
