nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
