Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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