I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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