Non-Jews are for practice
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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