So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
