"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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