Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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