Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
