I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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