do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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