Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
