she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
