Soap is not a condiment
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
