Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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