FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
