There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
