he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
