We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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