I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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