I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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