He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
