I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
