HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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