I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
