Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
there's paper in my vomit.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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