which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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