maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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