So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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