I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
