dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
