My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
