How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
