Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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