Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
