I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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