C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
