He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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