Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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