Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
