i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize