I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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