Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
