Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
