pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
