why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
