the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
