Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
