You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize