the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
