What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize