Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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