I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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