I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
