3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
