Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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